Dealing

With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? OR perhaps more importantly what should they NOT do!

The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health.

The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.

To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.

So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.

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Some people think that just because they have no particular type 2 diabetes symptom that they are protected from diabetes. This May not always be the case if the understanding and the true nature of type 2 diabetes symptom May help save your life.

The figures

If you have the condition, however, it means that the cells of your body does not react properly to the action of insulin which is supposed to open the cells to glucose. Without glucose into the cells you will have no obvious source of energy.

Type 2 diabetes is actually the most common type of diabetes. It is estimated that at least 90% of diabetics belong to the category of type 2. The sad truth is that more than 6% of diabetics are not aware that they have the condition. The lack of awareness May be due to a seemingly harmless dismissal of type 2 diabetes symptoms or a total lack of warning signs.

Different symptoms

Type 1 diabetes is less common than Type 2 May, but it is more difficult to manage because it is the inability of the pancreas to fulfil its task of producing insulin. Despite the difference case, however, both types of diabetes share the same symptoms. A diabetic may begin to feel tired often, thirst and May have sometimes blurred vision and sores that do not heal quickly.

The difference in all the symptoms of type 1 and type 2 is the onset of symptoms. A type 1 diabetes symptoms can develop quickly and worsen within a few weeks. Even with the rapid development of symptoms, however, damages the cells May have already taken place for some time before type 1 diabetes is finally discovered. A type 2 diabetes symptom on the other hand is not as obvious and as bad as a symptom of type 1.

Effects of no symptoms

The type 2 diabetes symptoms must be detected and taken into account immediately. The key to effective management of this chronic disease is early detection. Once you fail to detect type 2 diabetes symptom, however, you can suffer complications that are even more difficult to reverse. Some diabetics do realize that they have type 2 diabetes because of complications such as retinopathy, heart disease, kidney problems and nerve death. One complication is therefore the only type 2 diabetes symptom.

Uncommon risk factors

Even those who are not a unique type 2 diabetes symptom should be particularly cautious if you are overweight and have a family history of type 2 diabetes. However, you should also consider yourself at high risk of developing diabetes if you are over 45 years, had a baby over 9 pounds and has a history of gestational diabetes or pre-diabetes. For undetermined reasons, individuals who are Asian, African Americans and Hispanics are at greater risk of developing diabetes.

What must be done

Seek professional counselor your doctor immediately. There are, however much you have to remind yourself. You should monitor your blood sugar, take your medication as prescribed, follow your diet and exercise plans and view and manage your weight.

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Almost every one of us has someone in our life whom we wish we could change or whom we wish would change; desiring them to do things differently or to be different. It might be a boss, coworker, colleague, team member, friend, family member or worse, a romantic partner.
 
Understanding that we cannot change anyone (except ourselves) is step one to inner peace. Step two is to understand yourself and others. Step three is change yourself. Step four is clear out of your life those people that are parasites or bring you down. A client of mine was relating to me that all the women in his life expect him to support them (on many levels) but they never support him. I explained to him that there are only two types of relationships: parasitic (one person living and feeding off the other person) and symbiotic (the two people mutually supporting and benefitting each other.)
 
A parasite can feed off you mentally, emotionally or energetically. I refer to these people collectively as emotional vampires. And when you are around them, you may feel physically tired, drained, sleepy, weak, agitated, low, small, inadequate, low spirits, hopeless, trapped or afraid.
 
Identifying the emotional vampires

There are many types of emotional vampires:

  • Narcissist
  • Controller
  • Victim
  • Criticizer
  • Drama queen

 
Please note that I always avoid labeling people, and so, the above terms refer to a person’s behavior and approach to life. Labeling people robs them of their power and in turn, can give them a reason or justification for their behavior i.e. “I can’t help it; I am ADD.”  My intention here is to help you to:
 
1.    Identify the way people in your life can drain you, (hold you back, rob you of your power, confidence and potential)
2.    Understand the emotional vampires and their behavior
3.    Become empowered by offering you some basic strategies to best handle, deal with and respond to those behaviors and people.
 
Narcissism

This person needs and demands constant praise and attention. He ignores your feelings and interests; believes that the world revolves around him or her, and almost always tends to turn the conversation around to discuss him or her.
You often feel invisible and pressured to compliment and praise him.
 
Victimhood

This person is extremely needy; often has a story of how the world has wronged him; has many “accidents” and “bad luck”; wallows in self-pity and misery.
You often feel like the parent and therapist to him.
 
Control

This person dictates and dominates you; he or she is rigid, rarely fun or spontaneous, often telling you what is best for you and how you should be living your life.
You often feel weak and trapped around him.
 
Criticizer

This person is highly critical, condemnatory and judgmental. He puts others down often and easily points out your flaws.
You often feel inadequate around him.
 
Drama Queen

This person needs to be center of attention 24 hours a day; he or she is great at getting attention and when he doesn’t get it or his way, he creates drama and outbursts believing that the intense emotion is a healthy connection. This person can also be passive- aggressive: seeking your approval and charming while he has it, but aggressive and abusive when he doesn’t get it.
When you are around this person, you feel like you are walking on egg shells, hiding your true feelings and riding an emotional roller coaster.
 
 
Understanding the emotional vampires

All of the above behaviors stem from negative experiences and programming. In other words, the emotional vampires feel empty and are missing something and thus they turn to you to fill them up with: validation, recognition, attention, approval, love, acceptance, reassurance, personal power, etc. No matter how confident and assertive they may appear, underneath, they often suffer from self-hatred, low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, shame and so forth.
 
Handling the emotional vampires
 
1.    Mentally and emotionally separate yourself from their behavior: “I understand that the way others respond to me is about them”
2.    Determine if it is possible to end this relationship – cut them off from your life
3.    Become aware of how you feel around this person (creepy, tense, scared, weak, tired, trapped, shut-down, tight chest, etc) and if bad feelings arise, do your best to remove yourself from the setting as soon as possible (before the person can begin to drain or impact you)
4.    Always respond with “matter-of-fact” tone and approach; maintain your calm and composure by listening but not allowing their words or behavior to enter you; imagine an impenetrable golden light around you
5.    Breathe deeply before speaking back
6.    Remind yourself that it is their intention to get a reaction from you
7.    Limit your interactions with them as much as possible – avoid socializing
8.    Firmly, clearly and openly state your limits and boundaries
9.    When experiencing their tantrums and outbursts, imagine you are dealing with a five-year old child
10.  Express compassion and empathy but place your limits 
 
Tips to strengthen and empower yourself

The better you feel about yourself, the less you will attract or be affected by the emotional vampires, and the easier it will be to protect yourself and say ‘no’ to them. In other words, build your self-esteem, clear out your stuff (doubts, insecurities, negative emotions, etc.) Avoid socially isolating yourself because you can easily become hypnotized, controlled or dominated by the emotional vampire. Use the emotional vampires as a mirror to understand how they reflect you and why they push your buttons. For example, I once had a close friend who would often freak out over the smallest things, turning them into major dramas and disasters. When I took the time to determine why I would respond with anger, I realized that I would often do the same thing – turn small things into major disasters. I resented in her what I resented in myself. As I changed my behavior and perception of life, her responses had little effect on me and I was able to master the way to handle her, calming her down while not getting emotional myself.

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